Sick, Sick, Sick

Coughs, fevers, rashes, runny noses, stuffed noses, throwing up, ear infections and pretty much anything you can think of that little kids get, Julia has. Ugh. I love how i'm being tested so thoroughly right now. I go to work a full week, Jules gets super sick and misses a whole week while i miss a few days to take her to urgent care. Along with her being sick, I GET sick. Miss more days of work, come in late to work, calling work about Jules being sick again are you starting to see a pattern here?

I finally get an amazing job that is obviously a gift from God and i just feel like life keeps throwing so many curve balls at me that i might lose it. My sanity is starting to wear thin and i don't think i have much fight left in me. Every day i get up and something else happens that grinds on my emotions, physical health, or mental stability. I've been going and going for so long just trying to not think about all these things happening, even before i was working, and now with the added pressure of a job, regardless of how incredibly amazing that job might be, i feel so lost.

I'm sick and feel like utter crap but because Julia finally got her medicine and my parents are watching her, i'm going in to work. Why? Because i have to. Too many jobs have i not cared about and just said 'Oh, ya, by the way, i'm not coming in today. Why? Eh, *cough cough* i'm sick.' When in reality i wasn't. SOOO many times i've done this and it's not who i am anymore. Julia is my life and soul and i have to provide for her solely on my own now, which means i have no room to mess around or be care free.

All i know is that i'm so drained and so emotionally run dry that i just pray God fills me up with His strength and His love so that i can feel whole again. I know that ultimately life is going a lot better than it has been, but why does it always seem like there's something knocking at my knees and making me fall on the ground over and over without any time to catch my breath in between times i get thrown onto the floor. If i didn't have Julia, i might just lay on the floor and never get up. But no matter how tired i am, no matter how sick i am and no matter how emotionally drained or mentally broken i might be at the moment, EVERYTHING that i do, is all for her. Through Christ, i know that i can get through and be the best parent that i can for Julia's sake and for my own.