In The End, Your Happiness Is Up To You

All my life i've been a people pleaser. Whether it was about friends, family, relationships, kids i took care of, my daughter, work, my possessions, anything and everything my first thought would always be, "What will _____ think about that?" There came a time in my life when i started to think that question and ask myself another question. "Why should their opinion dictate my happiness?"

In all honesty, a true friend/family member will support you in whatever makes you truly happy. Whether it's a job that you get less money but more hours at or it's a relationship that they don't think you should be in. All in all, why should their opinion about the situation have a strong affect on your result? Ultimately the only one who can make or break your decisions is Y.O.U. So if you're not feeling it 100% then why should you let someone else tell you that's what you should follow through with?

I know that i've made some pretty messed up mistakes in my past, and i'm not trying to fix them, i'm trying to do better. A lot of people think that i need this or i need that or i need him or i need a different him or i need work or i need a year to myself, whatever it is that you think i need, in the end all that matters is what I THINK i need. But bear in mind, that my decisions still aren't my own.

I may not listen to anyone down here on earth, but when i'm praying and i get an undeniable feeling of right and wrong, that's God speaking to me. And i'd be one stupid person if i didn't listen to what he had to say. I know that in the future i'm going to falter and mess up many more times, but right now i'm doing the best that i can with the cards that i've been dealt. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but in the end, you don't know as much as you think you do. All you have to go by is the words that people have told you and what you form to make up in your mind yourself.

Regardless of what we tell ourselves we always reword the truth. It may not be lying and it may not be fibbing, but if you reword something and it doesn't sound like what actually happened you'll start to believe that and then it'll just keep getting out of hand until, voila! It's an actual lie.

A lot of people think that they know me. And they might have at one point. But there are less than the number of fingers on one hand of people who truly know me and who i am and what i'm about. I've made life changing decisions for my daughter and i in the past couple of weeks, and those changes are NOTHING like how i used to be. So if you knew me before, you don't know me now.

So many of us get caught up in caring too much what every one else will say or think of us. But in the end, our happiness is all up to us and we're the only ones who can actually say what goes and what doesn't when it comes to our life. So when the time comes, and i inevitably make a decision about my life, i won't care what anyone says. My true friends will support my happiness and those who don't, well i'm sorry, but you're not a true friend.

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