A lot of my friends have been completely obsessed with a show called "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". At first I thought the show was a complete annoyance, I'd seen an episode or two but just didn't get the whole hubub about it. Until recently.
It's amazing to me how in high school we have such severe tunnel vision for thinking that we can fall in love in a matter of a few days or the pressures of having sex and the consequences of sex like getting pregnant or contracting an STD.
As an adult it becomes so much less likely to fall in love so quickly and sex is just a fact of life and not so much of an issue about whether to have it or not to have it, it's a matter of how soon in a relationship to start having it. The funny thing about this show is that it's called the SECRET life of the american teenager and every "secret" in the show almost immediately gets out after it happens.
My life lately has been a secret life, not that anyone is going to know what's actually going on in my life now, but I just need to vent some things out. Right now my life is in a calm-like chaos and I just need to figure out why it is that while everything is spinning out of control I don't feel anything. In my own life I just don't feel anything, if something sad happens I'm not sad I'm indifferent. If something happy happens I'm still indifferent. If something that should anger me happens I'm indifferent.
The only time I cry or laugh or get mad is when I'm watching a show. It might sound pathetic but it's true. If I'm watching a show and getting more of an emotional reaction from fiction than my own life isn't that completely lame? Ugh.. I think it is, but at the same time I don't feel anything from it. It's almost like I'm completely desensitized by all the failure in my life lately, to the point where nothing that happens in my life comes as a surprise if it's a negative surprise.
The ONLY thing in my life worth anything right now is my daughter. She's my everything and the only reason why I keep going with my life is because of her.
Julia is my world and everything in it.
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